never grasp before you
by neverephemeral
Summary: Sigrid could feel her heart beating; so rapid and hard she wouldn't be shocked to find a bruise on her chest. Oh, how her entire body was on fire. (Sigrid/Fili) Part 10 of what is marriage? series


**Hi everybody! I'm sorry that it has been awhile since I wrote anything but I'm back. :) I hope you're all still reading haha. This is the 10th part in the what is marriage? series.**

 **Notice: There is some smut in this chapter.**

* * *

 **M** usic, laughter and the clanking of mugs together were the only sounds coming from Erebor that evening. This particular celebration that was shared between the dwarves of Erebor and the people of Dale was that of the end of the harvest season and the coming of winter. Sigrid was among those enjoying the celebration. As per usual when celebrations were held in the great hall, Sigrid sat in her designated chair; two seats to the right of Thorin's at the head table, her eyes crinkled at the corners as her lips seem to form a permanent smile. Her cheeks were flushed, both from good spirit and her two mugs of ale that she had consumed; at the behest of Dain, Thorin's outgoing cousin.

 _You are a dwarf now lass, you must learn to drink properly,_ Dain teased.

Sigrid had welcomed this celebration as a chance to find joy in life again. Two months had passed since she had lost her dear child and she had not been the same since. It seemed that a dark shadow had fallen upon her, lurking over her always. She hardly traveled outside of the mountain and when she did, it was to her son's tomb. She knew that she had worried her husband and father greatly, as well as the rest of them.

 _Will you not go for a walk with me, Sigrid?_ Tilda asked. _It is a beautiful autumn day._

 _Sigrid sat unmoving in her chair by the fireplace; a black shawl wrapped around her shoulders, dark circles beneath her eyes to compliment her black dress. She shook her head, 'I'm much too tired for a walk, perhaps another time.'_

 _'A walk will help,'_ Tilda tried again, trying to stir her sister from the dark. _'Come on.'_

 _'No Tilda.'_

 _Tilda took a step back, away from her sister's coldness. Sigrid did not have it in her to feel guilty that she had snapped at her younger sister. She didn't turn her head away from the fireplace when she heard the door open to her chambers._

 _'Tilda,'_ Kili's voice sounded from the doorway _, 'may I accompany you on your walk?'_

 _'But-'_ Tilda began _._

 _'I will make sure that Sigrid gets the proper rest that she needs,'_ Fili interrupted, his voice soothing to the younger girl _, 'perhaps her and I will join you later.'_

 _Tilda nodded, a frown on her face, as she followed the other dwarf out the door._

 _Fili sighed as he moved over to his chair and sat across from his wife. 'She misses you Sigrid,'_ he said _, 'we all do.'_

 _'I do not feel well, Fili,'_ Sigrid answered _._

 _'No, you haven't eaten or slept for weeks now, my wife,'_ Fili stared at her.

 _'What is the point?'_

 _Fili looked as though she had struck him with her own fists. 'The point, Sigrid, is your sister, your brother, your father… ME.' He threw himself onto his knees, pulling her hand into his own, 'we are still here, my love. You are still here. Withering away will not bring our son back.' He kissed her knuckles, 'my heart broke when we lost him and it's breaking now watching you die before me.' He reached out, cupping the side of Sigrid's face, turning it toward him so their eyes met, 'our son would want you to continue on with life. Know that he is being cared for by your mother, until we can be reunited with him. You are not in the tomb, my love.'_

 _Sigrid had tears streaming down her cheeks, 'but I feel as though I am, Fili.'_

 _'Then I will dig away at the rocks until you are freed from the tomb,'_ he promised.

 _Sigrid allowed herself to be pulled into his arms as she once again wept for their loss but also wept for the release of all the broken pieces of her heart, making room for her to finally begin to heal._

"Will you not dance, my lady?"

Sigrid turned to her right, smiling at Bilbo as he sat in the chair beside Thorin's, "are you offering, Bilbo?"

"No, I'm afraid that I do not dance well," Bilbo shook his head, "but I'm touched that you would risk dancing with me."

"That bad?"

"You may loose a foot."

Sigrid shook her head as she laughed, "Oh, dear Bilbo, I am happy that you were able to visit."

"As am I, my lady," Bilbo smiled, "as am I. It is also good to see you in good spirits and health again."

Sigrid's smile softened as she reached out her arm and gave a gentle squeeze of Bilbo's hand with her own. She turned her attention back to the dancing crowd, clapping along with the beat of the song. She laughed as she saw Kili give her sister a whirl and smiled as Fili danced with his mother.

"Will you not dance, Uncle?" Sigrid asked Thorin as he joined Bilbo and her at the table, sitting down in his chair.

"Like Bilbo, I am inclined to keep off the dance floor," Thorin answered.

Sigrid laughed at Thorin's humor as she cheered when the song came to an end, clapping loudly along with the rest of the guests. Instead of another fast beat of music beginning to play, this melody was more slow and steady. Sigrid could see everyone beginning to pair up, including Kili and Tauriel.

Fili appeared at the side of Sigrid's chair and bowed, offering his left hand, "may I have this next dance?"

Sigrid's smile lit up her entire face and her eyes gleamed as she slipped her hand into his, "you may."

* * *

As they made their way to the dance floor, the crowd parted and whispers went up into the air.

"Oh."

Fili raised his brow, "what?"

"What if I do not know the steps?" Sigrid asked.

"Just follow me," Fili smiled, "I'll lead you."

Sigrid took a deep breath as she and Fili began to dance with Kili and Tauriel following not long after. The melody of the song began to pick up, so did Fili and Sigrid's dance steps; however she was able to keep pace with him. They moved across the dance floor at a steady pace, their focus only on each other. As Fili spun Sigrid, she was able to catch the smiles that were upon her father's, Thorin's, Bilbo's and Balin's face.

The song was not long and came to an end quick.

Sigrid curtsied and Fili bowed.

"I enjoyed our dance," Sigrid smiled.

"As did I," Fili replied, bringing her right hand up to his mouth; turning it to the side so his lips brushed against the skin of her wrist.

Shivers shot up Sigrid's arm as she softly sighed.

Fili smirked and winked before he turned and joined Kili at having another drink.

Sigrid could only stare at the spot where Fili's lips just brushed against. She ran her fingers over the spot, her fingertips brushing against it lightly, not giving her the same affect that his lips had. It had been some time since she felt those shivers.

"Sigrid?" Ori asked. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, "yes, Ori. I'm just going to step out for some air."

"Are you going to be sick?"

"No," she shook her head, "just feeling a bit warm. I'll be alright." She gave him a smile before she quickly excused herself.

Sigrid moved quickly down the hall, away from the festivities but not too far away that she wasn't still able to hear the music and crowd; even if it was faintly. Once she felt that she was far enough away, she stopped and leaned her back against the stone wall. It felt cool against her warm skin and Sigrid pulled her hair to the side, so that it hung over one shoulder; exposing her bare neck to the stone.

Sigrid could feel her heart beating; so rapid and hard she wouldn't be shocked to find a bruise on her chest. Oh, how her entire body was on fire.

 _Had it truly been so long?_

Sigrid was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of approaching footsteps. With effort Sigrid tried to control her breathing, attempting to slow her heartbeat; which she swore echoed throughout the hall. Her cheeks flushed at the sight of Fili standing before her.

Neither said a word to each other and Sigrid was grateful because she wasn't sure that she could form words at the moment. She felt as though she was suffocating and _is my dress getting tighter?_

Fili walked toward her, pressing his fingers against her cloth covered thighs and Sigrid felt as though the fabric would melt at the heat that was shared between her flesh and his touch.

Sigrid closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, _oh._

Without a word, Fili grabbed Sigrid's hand and pulled her away from the hall and further down the hall. Sigrid followed obediently behind him, her other hand holding up the hem of her dress so she didn't fall. Her mind filled with improper thoughts, she wasn't focused on where Fili was leading them; only that she didn't want him to let go of her hand, to be without his touch.

* * *

Suddenly, Fili yanked at Sigrid's arm as they rounded a corner; she gasped as he pushed her up against the wall and he sank to his knees.

"Fili!" She gasped.

Any doubts that she had about this hallway tryst was quickly silenced as Fili pushed up her dress skirt and he began to slowly kiss his way up her smooth leg. She sighed and leaned her head back, both of her hands coming to rest upon his head; her fingers curling into his thick blonde hair. As his lips slowly inched their way up her leg, a trail of goosebumps followed in their wake. As he laid a kiss upon the inside of her knee, she sighed and she shivered when he lightly bit her inner thigh.

 _Oh._

He kissed her hip and then lightly bit it; Sigrid's back arched off the wall.

 _Oh my._

Then his lips, mouth and fingers found _her_ and all of Sigrid's inhibitions faded away. One hand remained curled in his hair as her other reached up, her fingers curling around the metal of the torch holder. She would later look back to this moment and be thankful that there wasn't a lit torch.

"Fili," Sigrid gasped as her body shook with tremors, shooting from the tip of her toes upwards.

Unable to stand, Sigrid slid to the floor; her arms wrapping around her husband who still remained on his knees. Their breath mingled together, Fili sucking in her every gasp, holding her to him. As she kissed him, she could taste herself on him and that just drove more desire through her. She pushed until he was laying on his back, their mouths still connected.

 _How she has missed this. How she had missed him._

Sigrid can't remember how but Fili was now sitting up against the stone wall and Sigrid was sitting on his lap, facing away from him, her hair brushed to one side and his lips against the back of her neck. When he sunk his teeth into her flesh she pressed back against him, pressing his hand that wasn't wrapped around her neck to her breast. She shivered as his fingertips brushed against her back, as he undid her corset, kissing his way down her back.

"Sigrid," Fili whispered against her ear.

He held her to him as his fingers slipped inside her and she shook from long awaited release. All that echoed through the abandoned hall was their harsh breaths together.

Sigrid remembers vaguely when Fili laid her down on her front, her cheek cradled by his hand so that her head didn't lay against the stone floor; their bodies perfectly aligned with each other. Sigrid cried out into Fili's hand as he groaned into her shoulder, forming a bruise that Sigrid was perfectly content with.

She can't remember how long they laid together for afterward but she does remember Fili's arms wrapped around her and his tender kisses along the column of her neck. The smile that her lips formed when his beard tickled her still sensitive skin.

Sigrid remembered how she came to life again after being dead for so long.

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 ** _Thank you for reading! I hope that you all enjoyed it!_**

 ** _-K xo_**


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